I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
