A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
