i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
