I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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