Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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