I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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