And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
