Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
