That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
