Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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