and i looked up. we had an audience...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
