Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
porn star boner night. come get it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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