Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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