"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
