So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
