My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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