wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
