My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
