kristin has been a bad kristin
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
