There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
