Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
