i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
