I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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