Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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