I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
