I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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