Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
