Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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