I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
