he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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