why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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