we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
