I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The best revenge is premature balding
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize