Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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