I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
