It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
