We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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