seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
