mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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