He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
