I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
