OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The Olympian is in my bed
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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