I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
