We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
