where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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