May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
