I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
