Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
worst night to have a conscience
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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