Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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