shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
