yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
