**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
