My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
