why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
