you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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