I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Oh god it's open bar.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
