you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
