I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
