Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
