u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
