Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
