Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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