she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
