as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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