You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize