man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
