KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
