So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
