K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
