New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
