Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize