I just saw a hot homeless man
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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