Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
