did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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