she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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