awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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