is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
