I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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