That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
