it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I looked at my own cervix.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How naked do you want me to be?
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