Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
