Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
