You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
