we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
