possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
