Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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