Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize