from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Did I show you my penis last night?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
