Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
