Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
