remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
