thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
