im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
