You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
