i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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