What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
