thus making me awesome and them whores
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
