Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
whose ass print is on the piano?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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