Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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