i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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