I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
