My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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