Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
