Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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