How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
dude. I can hear the air.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
