fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
