Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
