Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
