***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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