Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
