it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
