whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
