similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
