so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
