Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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